Why
by Ryou Marik
Summary: Ryou's Self mutilation is found out...(Don't own, Dont ask. R&R...)


I stared up at the ceiling above me. Nothing stirred in my darkened room, just the shadows cast by the tree branches out side my window. My fan hummed as it rotated slowly above my head… I watched it hypnotized. Once in a while I shut my doe brown eyes to cast out the surrounding images and clear my mind. The bed I lay on was as hard as it had always been, and the pillow beneath my head was no help when I wanted to move to a more comfortable position. Slowly, I picked up my left arm to stare at the many old scars I had carved into it… as I stared I remembered what Yugi had said when he saw them. Tears welled up in my eyes, but silently I forced them to go back to where they came from. Crying was of no use…it was a waste of time. Yugi and them didn't understand. They would never understand what hell this life was for me.

_ Earlier that very same day… _

I quietly made my way into the Kame Game Shop where everyone I knew and called my friends were. I heard the familiar bell ring as the door was pushed open, and everyone standing in the shoppe turned my way to greet whoever had just come in. Yugi grinned and waved me over, calling my name. Joey glanced over and gave a solitary wave as Tea smiled and nodded in my direction. Tristan was ,as usual, with Serenity somewhere. Yugi's grandfather must have been in the back somewhere because I couldn't see him anywhere in the front..

"Hello everyone…" I spoke in a soft tone as I usually did. No one seemed to pay me any mind… as _they_ usually did. I tried my best to participate in the conversation but I found I could not since I did not even know what it was about in the first place. I stood in the background, watching as Tea and Joey began arguing, Yugi trying to even things out. Finally, he acknowledged my presence and started a conversation that included me… "Hey, I haven't seen you in school in a while…what have you been up to? We were getting really worried…" _Yes, I bet you were…_I silently thought to myself. Instead I just smiled my sweet little smile and told my story of how I hadn't been feeling very well in the last week. Everyone just seemed to sigh and ask me what I had eaten or what did I catch. I shrugged my small shoulders in response.

Joey seemed to not want me in the conversation (even though it was about me) because he kept trying to change the subject. Yugi on the other hand would cancel out his attempts by changing it back to me. "So, how far behind do you think you are on your homework??" He asked in a funny voice, one that seemed to actually be interested in what I would have to say. I was in a whole different range of classes than they were, even though I was in the same grade. "Oh, nothing too hard. I can most likely catch up in a day or two." I nodded my head. Yugi bobbed his head up and down as well. "Oh okay. Well… anything new in your life?" That's when things went bad. Joey seemed to actually be paying attention to our conversation because he grabbed my left arm rather roughly and tugged me over to him, as if in an embrace. He hugged my shoulders and grinned. "This guy has no life!! He studies all day and night…ya know we needta get ya out into the real world to meet some girls!!!" Yugi didn't appear to be paying attention to him at all, he seemed to be paying attention to me and my sudden mood change. I was wincing in terrible pain, holding my left arm to my chest protectively. "You alright ? What happened?? Are you hurt?"

"No, just a …tight muscle is all. I'm fine." I shut my eyes to hide my true pain. That idiot Joey had just squeezed and pressed into my new tears- the freshest ones made last night, or rather this morning. Yugi didn't back down. "You seem like you are in a lot of pain. Here, lemme see your arm and I'll try to figure out what's wrong with you okay??" I continued protesting. "No I told you I am fine… It's just a simple muscle cramp. It'll pass. Don't worry…" Tea stayed silent as she watched the ordeal, as did Joey. They both didn't interfere. Joey just let go of my shoulders to watch. Yugi persisted; he could sense something wrong. "No, there's something wrong with you and it isn't okay. What's wrong, let me see your arm.. " _What a persistent little…_I kept up my argument, trying not to look too suspicious. I kept on saying my arm was fine and nothing was wrong. He was just about to back off when Joey all of a sudden ruined it and yelled "Look at his arm, its bleedin'!!!"

Damnit, my cuts had reopened due to the pressure they had been put under… now I had no logical reason for that. I was screwed.

"What….What's that… Why is your arm bleeding…" Yugi stammered, fearing the worst. Tea gasped and reached out for my arm but I pulled away. I tried backing away towards the door, but Joey blocked my way. "I…I…" Yugi kept on glancing back and forth between my left appendage and me. He had an idea why I was bleeding. He had a very clear idea. "Oh… let me…please…" He reached out and grabbed my wrist gently. For some reason or another I let the boy, letting down my guard. I felt hot tears stream down my cheeks as Yugi used his other hand to pull up my sleeves lightly…I watched as his eyes grew at the sight laid before him. I watched as his innocent eyes scanned up and down my newly shown limb, dancing back and forth between cuts and scars. The new tears oozed over with my blood. "Oh…you…" I could hear as Tea and Joey drew in sharp breaths …I could feel their eyes glued to my arm. Yugi finally tore his amethyst eyes away from the appendage and stared me in the face. He was crying as well. "Why…why.." was all that he could muster. I couldn't take the pressure anymore. Swiftly I yanked my arm free and shot out of the store. My tears stung. My throat felt as if it was on fire. Behind me I could hear Yugi calling out my name. I ran until my legs led me to my house, thinking about the look on little Yugi's face when he saw. All I could hear for hours was his small voice asking me why.

I again heard little Yugi's voice, but immediately I shut it out. I let my arm drop back onto the mattress and sighed. The clock to my left read 10:15 p.m. My phone rang for what seemed like the five hundredth time that day since what had happened. I knew it was Yugi. I absentmindly reached over to the phone jack and pulled out the phone line, disconnecting it. That would give me some peace…

He wanted to know why. Why did I cut myself… why did I resort to self-mutilation? Well, I could never answer that.. I don't think anyone could ever answer that question. Why? Because to Kami-sama, my life was just some big cruel joke. I was just some doll in his sick little game; a doll he loved to torture time and time again. Why? Because my life was hell on earth, if there could be such a thing. Yugi would never be able to comprehend that. In order to, he would have to be me…

Ryou Bakura.


End file.
